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The Broken Stoic [2]

Posted on Wed Apr 2nd, 2014 @ 6:17am by Lieutenant JG L'Nivek & Commander Mercia Kavi

Mission: Photons Everywhere Part 2
Location: Counselor's Office

Amity bit her lip and laughed a bit. "Oh I'm sorry. That was a total miscommunication." she said. She stood up and held her hand out to the Vulcan, "Have a good day." she said.

L'Nivek started for the door, but stopped, turning. She eyed the Counselor, apparently mulling something over. "Actually...perhaps, Counselor, you could be of use...I mean, of help, to me." She's trying to be polite, and it shows...sort of.

"I had something of an...issue, with another member of the crew. Well, two seperate incidents, with two people." She took a half-step foreward, hands resting on the back of her chair.

Amity nodded, "Tell me about it." she said. "Have a seat if you are comfortable." she said.

She'd rather stand, but L'Nivek felt that sitting was more appropriate. So, she sat down.

"It was the ship's executive officer, actually. She came into my office, and..." She trailed off. "She was acting more like the juvenile trainees I worked with at the Academy than a officer, proper. I've also got my suspicion about her and the ship's commanding officer...which as loathe as I am to interfere, is against a number of regulations, last I checked. I'm not sure what to do, as she already thinks disfavorably of me."

Amity tapped her chin, "I haven't meant the first officer myself just yet, but I have heard of her, and honestly this doesn't surprise me." she said. "Maybe its time I look in to her. Keep in mind a good number of officers on this boat seem to be here because they are misfits, previously in trouble sort of people. Its like a second chance." she said.

"I've heard of the rumors about her and the Commander, but to be honest regulations are really not involved here. Its certainly frowned upon, but the rules change when people live on these ships for years at a time. Its unreasonable to expect the senior staff to not get involved with any one, like the lower staff is free to do, in this environment." she stated. "I would suggest keeping a mindful eye on things, as will my team, if you have concerns about conflict I would ask you first notify me, or a member of the counseling team. If there seems to be a conflict in command ability then the appropriate steps will be taken of course, first to speak with the members involved, to ensure they have a chance to right any possible wrongs." she said. "There is no reason to report their off duty activities, their lives are their own. So long as it doesn't effect the safety of this ship why should it be an issue?"

L'Nivek first looked uncomfortable, then, unhappy. "I...well. You are right, Counselor." She looked back up; she'd been looking down at the floor in both thought and distress.

"It would be ill-advised of me to say anything, you're correct. I am unsure as to why it seems to be such an issue to myself: perhaps it is jealousy?" She shrugged. "Not to either person in specific, mind you, but rather, the idea. I have had trouble reconciling these feelings, I will be honest."

Amity controlled her surprise. "Do you think that is the adventure of living, almost carelessly, that you desire? Or the emotional connection of companionship?' she asked.

L'Nivek tilted her head to the side, then paused. "It is not desire. At least, I do nt believe." She leaned back, pausing again: her thoughts and emotions were in utter turmoil, even as she maintained a completely calm, and rather blank, expression on her face.

"I am unsure. It is why I asked. It might be the lack of companionship. I believe it may be what humans term 'loneliness'. I, again, am unsure.

Amity nodded gravely, "Loneliness can be rather disturbing. We all strive to be self sufficient and independent, loneliness is difficult for all creatures, to recognize, and admit. On top of that, it can be difficult to identify what will satisfy the need. Tell me, when are you due for Pon Far?" she asked wondering if this could be early signs of it coming.

L'Nivek was silent for a moment, looking away. It was taking a good measure of her self-control to avoid simply standing up, declaring the meeting unsatisfactory but fulfilling the requirement of the regulations, and walking out. She spoke, instead, after a moment of consideration. "My calculations place the final reaction within a month. My medical records seem to coincide with this, regrettably."

She chuckled, "The drive to mate is not regrettable in the least." she said. She tapped some notes on her padd. "I know this is sensitive so please bear with me. Do you already have a mate, or have you, in the past, used different methods to relieve the Pon Far?" she asked knowing some Vulcans made use of holograms now a days if they did not desire a mate. "I know its a month out, but your loneliness may certainly be increasing because it is getting close."

"It is a feeling, Counselor." Her voice was at first cold, but even that started slowly thawing as she looked down at the ground, suddenly filled with a sort of nervous tension. Her fingers grasped at one another, and she seemed torn between saying something, or saying nothing at all. "...Counselor, in the past, I have merely utilized a series of holograms, stimulants, and other medical supressants...but I did not always react positively." She steepled her fingers, quickly collapsing them and fidgiting: -most- unbecoming for a Vulcan, especially one like her. The mere fact that she was allowing herself to do it in the others' presence was something of a trust itself.

" not believe I can control this feeling, at this point. Seeking these sterile, medical means to slake these desires has worked physically: but not emotionally. I am unsure as to what feelings, exactly, pervent me from approaching others on a personal, sociological basis: it might be fear." She paused.

"I also, Counselor, would expect these discussions to stay between us: not an unrealistic hope, I would imagine." She trailed off, crossing one leg over the other, leaning back, and fidgeting further: in other words, settling down and becoming more comfortable.

"I believe, then, that I am seeking...advice. Assistance, direction, what-have-you, in searching out a compatabile personality to...associate with, one a level deeper than friendship. I believe, Counselor," she swallowed, pausing yet again: "I believe, that I have loved the stars too fondly to be afraid of the night."

Amity nodded, "You have nothing to worry about, I'll not be spreading rumors about you." she chuckled. "What is said in here, stays in here." she said. "Although you should expect that your medical records will automatically notify the CMO soon of your pending Pon Far, it is for every ones safety and so that we can help you though this time, and we will of course all be as discreet as possible." she promised.

"As for perusing companionship, that is a noble endeavor, and I will help you as best I can. The first thing we must do is establish what qualities you would seek in a companion, in Character, emotional, behavior, and appearance. Lets start with Character."

As much as she was expecting it, L'Nivek was displeased by the idea of the CMO and CO, both, learning of her upcoming...condition. She was certain that the ships' XO was going to have a field day with it, after all, and -that- thought didn't make her feel any better. But, those had to be put aside for the moment.

" not know. I would require...request? Desire?" She eyed the Counselor, looking for the correct word. "Desire, yes. I would desire someone who is honest: and smart. I would not tolerate someone with whom I cannot have an intelligent conversation with." She paused, leaning forward, suddenly burying her face in her hands.

"This is hopeless, Counselor. I've -never- had a significant other." She's clearly distressed: both her actions, and her plantative, hopeless tone of voice point that out right quick.

"I don't believe this is hopeless L'Nevik." she said. "Plenty of Vulcans have companions." she said. "Ones they are pleased and comfortable with. There is no reason to be distressed. but this is a good exercise. I will tell you that I believe it is going to take more time than we have before Pon Far to do this." she said. "I would recommend that you keep the advice of the CMO and begin the medical program for help this time around. The pressure and drive to mate will not help you find the companion you want." she said. "And like I said, Only the CMO and I need to know about this, the CO would only be informed if you became unstable and a danger to the crew, even then, it would go no further than Him."

L'Nivek shot up out of her chair, voice strong and irritated: very unusual. She was waving her hands, acting erratic: especially erratic for a Vulcan, and more so for her. "This is ridiculous. Hopeless!" She is pacing, in a tight circle, mumbling.

Amity kept her cool, allowing the movement, "Why do you believe it is hopeless?" she inquired. "Is it not logical that you should have a companion as every other Vulcan eventually has?" she asked softly, trying to help her bring things back down. She was certainly going to have her hands full with this person.

"I've spent almost all of my time analyzing, deconstructing, taking apart..." She turns on Amity, pointing at her: almost hostile. "I've trained to interrogate, to take apart, to disassmble, to pick apart into the mind's base components!" She turns just as quickly, irrational, volatile.

"So? That means you will be more picky about who you choose to have as a companion. And you will know them very intimately before you commit." she said. Amity watched the woman, remaining unphased by her. "Your training can be useful" she said. "So you want someone intelligent and honest, and smart. What emotional qualities do you want? Do you want someone who embraces them or suppresses?"

Throwing up her hands and turning about, L'Nivek stalked in wider circles. "I don't know what I want. I don't know what I -need-. I don't even know what I should be doing with myself!" She faced Amity, shaking with rage, and grief. Clearly, she hasn't talked to anyone like this in a long time: probably -years-.

"Well that is what we are going to work out here." Amity said. "Come, here is a spare tablet, sit down and we will start making a list of things, with out writing it down we can not solidify your needs." she said. She waved the tablet and smiled invitingly. "Let me guide you."

L'Nivek suddenly froze up, as if she'd realized what she had been doing for the past few minutes. Jerkily, she sat back down, picking up the tablet, silent. She's slowly becoming more and more 'normal', for her...but it's taking some serious willpower, and it shows.

"Very well. Where do we start?"

Amity smiled again, "Lets start with a list of qualities..." she said.

L'Nivek stiffened. She was rather mortified, at this point, due to her own behvaior: but, logically, attributed to the rising blood-lust that would occur in fairly short order...but the idea that she'd virtually collapsed in front of someone, too, did not fill her with confidence. However, this particular hurdle was just something else she would have to overcome: and perhaps she could get assistance in making more than 'just friendship' overtones in her conversation.

Thing was, where did she even begin to start?


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