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Posted on Mon Sep 10th, 2018 @ 3:00pm by Lieutenant JG Xander Bori M.D. & David Hawkins

Mission: The Light of Emmah
Location: Ready Room - USS Gladiator
Timeline: Back Post - 4 months previous

/// ON ///

Xander shook with despair as he stood outside of David's Ready Room. His life felt like it had no purpose, No meaning. He pressed the door chime, anxiously awaiting for David to invite him inside.

"Come in," the captain called out with the computer's verbal entrance requirement from him and automatically, the sliding doors to the bridge swished open. "What can I do for..." he paused as he stopped his busy work which held his attention to see who it was. It didnt take long before he dropped what he was doing knowing all to well that his full attention was needed. "Doc, what's up?"

Xander stood there, silent. For a moment he just stared out of the ready room window into the vast emptiness that was space, ironically, that is what he felt. "It's Kate." He fought back a tear and swallowed hard, trying to hold off his emotions from his Captain. "I signed the divorce papers yesterday." He coughed from suppressing the lump in his throat. "Now she's fighting for full custody of Lexa." Xander closed his eyes as he picture a little girl, no older than 2, running around his feet with her long blonde hair flying in the wind. "Why was I so stupid?"

David took a deep breath as he thought long and hard about the question. He sympathized with Kate. She was a good woman, and so was Xander. But what he had done was wrong and there was no question or doubt about that. "What is her reasoning for her to have full custody of Lexa?" he asked almost ignoring his question.

Xander wasn't surprised at David's reaction, which is why he went to him. He needed an honest, truthful opinion, from someone he knew would provide him with the right guidance. This was all new to Xander. He had so many questions racing around in his head. Some only he could answer himself.

"She doesn't think I'm a stable father figure." Xander walked over to the sofa, which from a distance looked cold and uninviting, but as he perched on the edge of the seat, a warmth of comfort enveloped him. "I know what I did was wrong, David. I was confused." Xander was referring to a situation that arose on his former ship.

Married for 5 years to his wife, Kate, Xander was always unsure of himself. It wasn't until he took a posting on the USS Tokyo that he met his Commanding Officer, Captain Matthew Sparks. Sparks was an out and proud gay man - not that it was an issue in this day and age. Xander envied how confident and open he was. The two became extremely close and spent a lot of time with each other. What started off as friendship quickly turned into lust which resulted in Xander and Sparks sleeping together. Kate also served on the Tokyo, so as with any incidents on a small vessel, she discovered his infidelity. Distraught, Kate immediately left Xander, taking their 1 year old daughter, Lexa, with her. He was still able to see her, until recently when legal proceedings began into their divorce. "I still have so much to work out myself." He sighed. "I thought being an empath was supposed to make situations like this easier." Putting his head in his hands, Xander rubbed his palms over his face, before looking up at David again. Xander and Sparks had decided to keep their relationship going, but they believed it would be best for both of their careers if he transferred to another ship. "I have no clue what to do next. With Matt off on a deep space mission and out of Comm range, I don't know how to deal with this."

David sighed and rolled his eyes ever so slightly as he leaned back. "You say it was a mistake, but you continue to live that mistake by continuing to cheat on her now. You two are still married. You made a promise to that woman, in sickness and health, for better or for worse, but you complain about her taking your child away when you are continuing to hurt her ever still. How you and Captain Sparks hasn't been dropped out of Starfleet command is a complete blessing as you know its against regulations to cheat," he stopped his assault against his friend and shook his head. David knew Xander for a while now and liked the man, but it didn't stop the blunt honesty he was all about explaining. "You being empath doesn't help because you are being selfish, Xander. Kate is stabbing you the deepest because she knows what you love second."

Xander knew David was right, but it didn't make it any easier. There was a reason he went to his Commanding Officer's ready room - he wanted an honest opinion. David was the perfect choice. "I didn't mean for it to happen that way, It just did. I never set out to hurt Kate or intentionally cheat on her, I was confused."

The captain scuffed as he shook his head. "Don't give me that. Yes you did wrong, but again, you continue to do wrong, that's your first love. And her argument can be seen as you not just cheating on her, but cheating on your child as well. Any time you take away from those two and spend it with infidelity, or your own desires, you hurt them. The fun is only for a short time, and I know desires and lusts are fun, otherwise they wouldn't be so tempting. What you need to really ask yourself is, what matters most to you?"

"Lexa, of course. She's my everything." Xander took a deep breath and prepared himself for his next statement. " But I love Matt. It's not just fun. We had a connection and a spark. Something I've never felt before. It was beyond anything I have ever felt for anyone before." Xander eyes began to well up even more so than before. "David. This is so hard. I'm struggling to deal with my sexuality. It has literally been eating me up for years. I tried so hard to repress it and forget that it even existed. I think when I unleashed it with Matt, it opened a whole new chapter for me. I just want Kate to be able to get on with her life and find someone who loves her in the way that I can't." A single tear steamed down his right cheek.

"Xander, you are choosing your desire for a man that chose to allow this relationship take place, and ruin two of his officers relationship for his own lust, as well, to take priority of the one thing you say is your everything?" David countered as he tried to understand himself. It was quite obvious to him, but why was it so hard for Xander not to. "I mean, honestly, how could you trust someone that is ok doing that with your happiness as well? No doubt he will be busted down and lose his command after it's all said and done.

"I cant sympathize with you. Not in the least. I realize you have made a mistake, who hasn't. But to continue down that path is only going to continue," he paused as he shook his head. "I honestly am jealous that you even have this problem."

David's words hit Xander as if he had just plummeted into an iced up lake. He looked over at the man, ready to answer back at him. However, his empathic powers took over. Xander could feel David's pain - although it wasn't on the surface, he could feel it. He backed down, allowing him to continue.

He looked at the man and took a deep breath. "You had a loving wife who gave birth to your child. Even if you fell out of love with the mother of your child, you have a permanent blood bond with someone that was created from parts of you... alive and well," David looked him over and shook his head. "My first command was a defiant class called the Resolute. My newly married wife was also the science officer on board, carrying our unborn child. We were attacked while at warp, dropped out of warp and crash landed into an ocean on a planet. She, along with forty-two members of the crew drained. So yeah... I am jealous of the fact that you can complain about this issue."

"You know what? You're right." Xander sighed. David was good at this. The fact he was drawing from his own personal experience in losing a loved one made Xander realised how lucky he actually was. That tied in with his gift of empathy, his sadness began to slowly disappear. His daughter was alive. "I'm being selfish. I need to sort this out with Kate, or I'll lose Lexa forever. I mean, I can't get back with her, but at least I may be able to heal what's left of our friendship." He briefly shot David a small smile. "Thanks David. You always know just what to say."

"Doc, I just want to see ya fix what's broken the best you can. From there, do what you want but all I ask as your friend is dont let that little girl lose you completely over all this. If Sparks is half the man you claim he is and cares for you, then tell him your daughter is first. After that, I can have ya resigned closer to him if that's what you want," David stated in a friendly manner. "But speaking as a star fleet officer..." he paused and shook his head. "Nevermind. Let's get some legal help, hows that sound?"

"Sounds good." Xander smiled. He stood up from his seat and walked closer to David. "Thanks for the offer of resigning me closer, but I think my place is right here."



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